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Let's Step Aside for a Moment

To Think, to See, Mayhap to Dream

Via Veres
30 June
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  • viaveres@livejournal.com
I'm horrible about writing just about myself...it's not a particularly easy thing for me to do. I enjoy answering questions, but unguided writing about myself is not really easy.

I'm Eighteen, I'd like to be cynical. I really would, I tend to be much more of the brooding romantic. Thing about brooding is that it's not a very happy existence. I find I dislike people more and more, find more and more solace in writing and words and less and less in people. I want to find comfort from people, I really do. It's just a lot harder.

My mother died April 9th, 2009. She was my best friend, She understood me better than anyone probably. I didn't realize this until she was gone, until I started pulling away from her before she died. When I realized what I had done I rectified it. Three days at her bedside as she slid into death, no food, little to drink...and sleep was something foreign. I stayed there with my father. The whole world shrunk. It was the worst thing that I can imagine experiencing.

It's changed me, irreconcilably. Holding hands gives me flashbacks to her bedside, when I hear someone moan in pain or pleasure either I start shaking in fear, if I hear somebody choking or couching up water I nearly break down in tears. At the same time, I find it hard to find things horrible. Things don't shock me, I'm not moved as easily.

I was threatened the other day. I nearly laughed, as if...as if this person. This tiny insignificant person could do anything to me that would make me hurt worse than I had. Anyways, this is rambling. I'm not all doom and gloom. Okay, maybe mostly. I try to get past it.

This involves laughing, a lot a lot. I laugh at most things, whether bad or good. If life tries to hurt you, laugh at it. if it's funny, laugh at it. Laugh at the world, and smile. It confuses people.

My twin passions are anthropology and writing. I'm an anthro major, I want to use that to write fiction however. I enjoy writing in all forms, the written word is powerful as is the spoken. My father used to tell me that words could never hurt me, so I set out to prove him wrong. I want to show the power of words, and take part in that.

My ultimate cause, my pursuit is to know as much. To understand as much as is possible for me to.

Go check out the girlfriend <3