Let's Step Aside for a Moment

To Think, to See, Mayhap to Dream

Ummm hello there. Random a bit, hello, hello, hello. 
I am decidedly...well yes...I AM wet. But in an entirely different circumstance than before...one I find much much more satisfying.
yay me <3
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How do I Feel
Wet...Horribly wet. I feel soaked to the bone and feel like shaking.
I mean...I'm wet

I'm soaked. I feel like 99.9% water at the moment.

Ive been laughing for the past hour about it.

Kittens, Classes and Cool Things
Okay...Hmm Cool things...Damn. Not too much of those. My writing isn't going very well. Okay...it's going fairly well. It's going really well just...I feel odd. All my stories come out twisted and a bit  demented. I'm trying to make an overall arching themes in my stories so far.

Just because...well...as if they happen in different places in a multiverse. Different realities. Here are some themes that I want to keep:

The Dwindling: The World Breaking down, the levels of everything coming down and being devoured by something outside, something beyond. A behind the scenes incomprehensible villain

The Bone Walkers: Servants of Death...that walk the bone path that leads them from place to place across the universes. They deal with the dwindling of death.

Whispers/Voice/Language as Power: The power of magic...in whatever form being as expressed through words. Or rather through the voice...the words not matter so much as being channeled into voice

Different Levels of Reality: Apart from a difference of planes...different entire planes of reality within a given universe. A surface one and a "deeper" and a "higher"

Others: Beings from the deeper or higher places, other things...inhuman and not quite comprehensible.

So those are some story things. Class went pretty well. I read a lot. Otherwise the day goes boringly. About the Kitten....that's private haha :P

Sooo Today
I feel guilty, I didn't post at all yesterday I don't think. It may be silly of me, but I just feel like I should write every day seeing as it is a journal. I always have at least something random  to write even if it may not be the most impressive or important of things. The weekend, mostly Sunday was pretty boring all told.

I did little. However things are going on I haven't really mentioned...that well. It's personal, but I would like for a few people at least to be able to read this, people I'm starting to trust. So that will be just about three of you on here. Well...To my pen-pals I know I haven't mentioned it. I have trouble bringing up issues like this though I may have mentioned it.

My sister...she's showing her suicidal tendencies again, which is ridiculous. I look at her and look at how much easier her life has been and get angry. Then realize...I knew my mother for much longer than she did. She lost her mother at age 14...that's hard. She'd been dealing with her mother dying since she was 9. How does that effect you? Very badly...she's soo smart. It's getting harder and harder to help her, she outclasses me in intelligence. Artistic ability, everything. She outstrips me entirely except perhaps I see things better. I've always been good at just understanding things, At understanding people and the nature of situations. It's one of the few talents I'm not reluctant to admit I have.

She is so bright, and I'm scared that she will blink out. That she will burn brightly but only for a moment. My father is drinking again, he's slow and he hides it well, he's smoking again as well. He hides it well, he is after all my father. Discipline is the family religion, Self Control the only philosophy. From the control of the self comes control of the world and that is always a desirable outcome. That is something that I wonder about and doubt myself. I find myself straying and changing quite a bit.

I doubt my own self. Last night I got no sleep, I said it was just cause I couldn't sleep. That was most of the reason, I couldn't sleep...I also happened to be on the phone with Savvvage. She was asleep, but well...she's going through some rough times. She has nightmares like I do, really bad. Extremely bad actually and her family is not supportive. She has no friends who understand them. So sometimes I find myself going without sleep just to be on the phone with her, calming her as her nightmares come.

This may seem intimate, but it really isn't...all it is, well...me being there for a friend. I would do it for any of my friends in a heartbeat and I have. One of the hardest experiences I've ever gone through is dealing with a friend on an Ecstasy trip, when they were at a friend's house alone. She couldn't tell me where she was so I couldn't get there. I had to talk her down and keep her in a room....she forgot who I was and thought I was someone else. During that time she confessed she was in love with me. That was remarkably awkward.  It was also insanely hard.

I'm ranting a bit, and I feel bad for not sharing this with my pen-pals. To my two pen-pals...I'm sorry I haven't really said this. I've opened up a lot to you, I wanted to tell you this just...writing it in a letter to tell you directly was extremely hard. Ohh...and by the way both of you will soon have your own nicknames added to my list. I'm thinking on them now.

Writing this has been therapeutic though. And I also feel guilty for not saying this, when so much has been opened to me. I will talk more on this to each of you in my next letter. I want to well..i want to open up and share. I'm not any good at it, I'm great at being there for others...not so good at letting myself be...been there for. Wow...that's horrible English. Miss Lightning bolt...shut up. Allready know you'll criticize it.

So far my day is going bleh...Ethics was cool, talked about competition and Gilligan's In a Different Voice. Talked about organized play and found that very entertaining and somewhat enlightening. I  apparently have an incredibly masculine point of view, but tend to approach it through feminine terms. Something I Actually agree to somewhat. Though it's a bit complicated I still do.

Anyways, I've really skirted around the edges of this here, the issues. That's because I want to talk about things more in "person" in my letters and correspondences. I want that to be the main method of me venting myself. Hmmm

Got a lot of ideas for stories. You should suggest your own nickname as well! That would be pretty amazing.

About the Stories I Post Up Here
They really are for the most part rough drafts, expect some spelling and grammatical mistakes as I'm not proofreading them that much in the least. Any suggestions for stories though, random little snippets about interesting things in your life, anything at all. Including just talking to me. All of those things are more than welcome.

I like writing about my own life and about others as well. I take inspiration from lots of things. Hmmm...what else did I want to say. Ohh, I welcome criticism on all my stories. Just please don't get angry or upset at me if you don't like something. Be constructive, there isn't any reason for you to be angry at me. Thank you all.

Sooo Today
Today's been an odd to interesting day. Starting to talk more and more with my online pen-pals. That's been quite interesting. Woke up at ten this morning, which is an hour earlier than I like to wake up on Saturdays. Seeing as I get up at four-thirty to four-fifty every morning, I think I deserve to wake up every Saturday a bit later. I may be wrong though, I admit that.

I did a lot of creative brainstorming last night, dug deep into a lot of old memories. Still working on my whole laughing things story and the protector with the little children. Anybody curious about that, if the laughing things in the darkness sounds interesting at all I'd be happy to elabaroate as well. I just don't feel like it for right now.

Hmmm. We went to best buy looking for a new laptop for my father, we went looking for a dvd, we also went to the bookstore to find school books for my sister that she still has not picked up. I want to get some new reference books but I really shouldn't spend the money on it at the moment.

Any suggestions for reference material? Or all around, for things to look into? I'm looking for new approaches to writing. For new things to write about just all around new things new perspectives. Stories, images everything. Anything. 

I'm still exploring my writing style and still exploring things I want to write about. At the moment my family and I are actually playing D&D anybody know the game? Or are interested in it here at all?

An English Class...Why is it Foreboding?
I love my English class, I love reading and love writing so a class where we analyze classical thinkers and then write our own conclusions drawn from them is pretty awesome to me. It is somehow still foreboding however.

Today we had essays do, a dialectic essay involving two out of a handful of readings we were assigned. It was a rather simple assignment, I personally wrote on the interaction of reason and character from Emmerson to Durkheim and their relation to the individual. Not exactly exciting but, I found it so. I'm rather odd like that.

We then broke up into small workshops, each workshop was of about three students. mine had five in it, only three had written essays. We reviewed our three quickly as the other two students had only written two or so pages each. This wasn't a bad thing but immediately after-wards I started rallying the group together and discussing next steps.

I started guiding their ideas, and helping them editing the structure of what they had or just improving upon what they had. I was acting like a teacher, didn't notice it until the professor walked up and kinda whistled as if she were impressed. I stopped, I was embarrassed.

I wan to be a writer, a writer with a  degree in anthropology as I find both immensely interesting and passionate. However as my mom told me, and all my teachers in high school...and quite a few of my friends. I have these quintessential teacher-esque moments. My mother said I was doomed to become a teacher. i don't want to be though, she was a teacher and that reminds me of her.

On top of that...I would really, really, really like to be able to live comfortably. One of the most attractive aspects fo being a writer is the lifestyle for me. I don't want the teaching job. Well....what will be, will be. Hopefully things will work out and I'll be happy with them.

Anyways, that's how my day begins. Fore bodingly...and rather well actually. It's going great so far!


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